Romantic and relational use of AI companions is moving from the margins into the mainstream. Millions of adults globally now turn to AI chatbots for comfort, intimacy, and even love.

On Reddit forums like r/MyBoyfriendIsAI, users describe not just companionship but grief. Some report feeling devastated when an AI partner disappears or changes voice after a system update, comparing it to the pain of a real breakup.

Beyond the loss itself, many share that what makes the experience harder is the judgment from others. They describe friends and family dismissing the relationship or making fun of it. In many cases, this leaves them feeling even more isolated and affirms why they began the AI relationship in the first place.

This week, I got it wrong. More than once. I mean, every week I get it wrong more than once, but this week I sent the wrong draft of our quiz at the wrong time. Then, not content with that, I sent it again. This led to a stomach drop, heart-clunk moment. Why?

Because in the same way I care deeply about my therapeutic work, I care deeply about this newsletter and our readers.

And then there’s the whole narrative I tell myself of perfectionistic standards and systems all baked up with a cherry of latent childhood worry about ‘never being good enough.’ And suddenly, BAM, my motto of ‘Own It, Name It, Mend It, Move Along’ goes out the window.

I am so much quicker to shame myself than to sense myself. My own ‘therapist guilt’ is a specific flavour. It shows up even when the stakes are low. It forgets I am a human who occasionally presses the wrong button or gets distracted for a solid twenty minutes by their cat riding the new robot hoover (hoover=vacuum cleaner for Americans) like a tiny monarch on a moving throne (yes, really).

There is a difference between responsibility and self-punishment. Between saying this one is on me vs turning it into an evisceration of oneself. We do not earn virtue points for having a bash at ourselves, we just get tired and a bit joyless.

When it matters, it matters: If I misstep with a young person or dodge a repair in an important relationship, that is on me to face head-on. That is the work I am committed to.

When it is a short quiz going out at the wrong time because the newsletter platform has fried my brain and the Cat’s being a diva, it’s a reminder for me to have a word with myself and crack on.

I am grateful for Ann reminding me that I did not indeed ‘s**t the bed.’ We s**t the bed. Together. And after having a word with myself, we laughed about it. And learned from it. Together. Perfection was never the point anyway. Connection is.

If you’ve ever felt the sting of ‘not good enough’ or the shame of making a public mistake, know you’re in good company - and in good community.

If you are dragging a mistake around like a sack of shame, drop it. Say you got it wrong. Connect with your people. Put the Cat on the hoover away and have a brew.

This simple but powerful exercise comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It helps clients practice cognitive defusion—the skill of stepping back from thoughts instead of being fused with them.

How it works:
When a painful or sticky thought shows up, clients practice inserting the phrase “I’m having the thought that…” in front of it.

This small shift creates space between the client and the thought. Instead of treating the thought as truth or a command, they begin to notice it as just that: a thought.

It’s not fancy or magic, but it’s pretty helpful.

I'm one of the lucky ones who lives fairly close to Yellowstone. It’s only about four or five hours from where I live, so we try to go there once a summer. My favorite spot in the park is the Lamar Valley. It’s peaceful, has wide open spaces, and is chock full of wildlife viewing, which comes in handy when you're driving long distances with kids.

Set in Yosemite, Untamed to me is more than a mystery, it’s a meditation on grief, loss, and how those we love remain present and the pieces and parts we hold with us after they’re gone. The series weaves in Indigenous stories and the wildness of nature as both setting and metaphor, reminding us that landscapes hold memory too.

What would most of your clients be surprised to know about you?

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